March 02, 2012

The Yelp Debut and Too Much Punctuation

You might be better off rewriting a sentence if you get confused about how you should punctuate it. Consider this sentence on the Yelp debut:

At an opening price of roughly $22 a share, Yelp is trading at a $1.6 billion valuation —  far smaller than some of the recent Internet offerings, like Zynga or Groupon — but still an impressive debut for a start-up operating in a highly competitive environment that has yet to turn a profit.

The sentence is 51 words long. Most business writers find it easiest to follow sentences that are about half that length.

If you find a sentence going over about 30 words, look for a way to break up your ideas into two or three simpler sentences. Here’s one simpler way to rephrase the ideas above:

At an opening price of roughly $22 a share, Yelp is trading at a $1.6 billion valuation. That valuation is far smaller than some of the recent Internet offerings, like Zynga or Groupon. But it’s still an impressive debut for a start-up operating in a highly competitive environment that has yet to turn a profit.

The three new sentences present the same information much more simply by breaking it down with two breathing spaces. The new periods stop readers from having to take in the opening price, valuation, company comparisons, and the final question of turning a profit all in one breath.

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Write It Well’s book Essential Grammar includes a chapter on ways you can keep your sentences easy to follow. We’ve made all the book’s exercises available as a free download here to accompany the e-book, which is now available on Amazon.com!

Do you have an important document but not enough time to clarify your thoughts and double-check your punctuation and grammar? Just use Write It Well’s editing services to make sure your readers follow your ideas and respect your voice.