July 17, 2011

Break a Sentence to Make a Message Clear

Long sentences can be correctly punctuated, but too intricate for busy readers to follow easily. Here’s an example:

Employers who fail to provide timely and accurate performance appraisals risk exposure to age discrimination claims, but more importantly, they deprive themselves of good workers who, with proper guidance and honest feedback, could be productive employees for years to come.

— Laurie McCann, “Do Older Workers Need a Nudge?”

nytimes.com, June 15, 2011

That intricate sentence is correctly punctuated with four commas. One clear sentence with four commas could read, “Employers should provide [A], [B], [C], [D], and [E].”

But the quote isn’t a simple list of items: it’s three complex ideas glued together. Busy readers could absorb the information more quickly in two or more sentences:

Employers who fail to provide timely and accurate performance appraisals risk exposure to age discrimination claims. More importantly, they deprive themselves of good workers who could be productive employees for years to come if they received proper guidance and honest feedback.

A simple sentence break can solve a host of punctuation problems.

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