February 04, 2011

Collapsible Headlines: When Briefer Is Better

Here are two headlines for one online article about folding bicycles. The headlines illustrate how to keep your writing concise:

 

 

 

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We prefer the shorter headline. It’s meant to indicate the topic and encourage readers to click through to the full article. The longer headline introduces the article on a separate webpage.

There’s room for a longer headline on the article page, but in this case the shorter wording says it all.

The article is about one man’s bike use, so the word “life” says as much as the word “lifestyle.” And it’s redundant to mention a “cycling lifestyle” after typing out the word “bike.”

This man can carry his folded bike into restaurants without the hassle of parking. In that way, the bike “makes [a] cycling lifestyle convenient” because it “simplifies life” for him. The longer headline doesn’t add information, and the shorter headline conveys these ideas very neatly.

Busy readers appreciate focused writing. That’s why four words can be better than six!

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Click here for Write It Well’s list of nine quick ways to make your headlines stronger.

Our book Professional Writing Skills shows you how to use verbs skillfully, identify the main action in a long word group, and write concisely. All these skills are necessary to craft effective headlines.

Too busy to make sure your writing is concise? Hire Write It Well to copyedit your documents. We’ll make sure your writing is engaging, clear, and concise so that it makes the best possible impression of your organization.